It's been three years...

I've been thinking a lot about my sweet dad today since tonight, about now, marks three years since he passed away. In some ways it feels like it happened yesterday because I can remember that week so vividly, but when I think about all that has happened in the time since it feels like forever.

For my friends who don't know much about what happened I want to share a little bit about this major trial/lesson/experience in my life.

On June 4th 2004 my dad went into surgery because he had been suffering from a mysterious illness with his lungs. For months prior doctors had seen "masses" on his lungs through x-rays but had done biopsies which always came back negative for cancer, so he had been treated for valley fever, was given an asthma inhaler, etc. And had only gotten worse.

So the plan was to go in, remove the irritating masses from his left lung and be done. I happened to be in town visiting my parents that day and when my mom didn't call or come home from the hospital after several hours Tyler and I felt something was wrong. Much later that evening my mom finally returned from the hospital looking like she had seen a ghost. She brought with her the worst news possible. My dad had stage 4 Lung Cancer, his left lung was covered and had been completely removed and the cancer had already spread to his lymphnodes--a bad sign. At the age of 47 he was given only 6-9 months to live. We were shocked and horrified!

Within a week Tyler had asked PwC for an immediate transfer from Denver to Arizona and I was back to spent as much time as possible with my dad. Pregnant with Ashley at the time, I chose to lay with him to talk...watch family feud...and rest with him throughout the hot summer while he suffered through chemotherapy and radiation. He was miserable, but kept his sense of humor. In fact one day while in the pool he discovered that now, with only one lung, his body tipped to the side when he floated! He liked showing that trick off.

So the 6 months mark came with Christmas and we enjoyed a wonderful family vacation to Acupulco, Mexico on Christmas day, happy to still be together and now not knowing how much longer things would last. He was doing so well... we were beginning to hope this all could possibly go away.

But the cancer progressed and he fought, and it progressed and he fought and we lived and we loved and we journaled and we video-taped, we cherished every moment for the next 19 months.

Until December 23th 2004 when I received a call from my mom while in Utah for Christmas that something was wrong. Dad was going. I caught the soonest flight I could, ran through the door at 4am and spent the next week with all of my family loving him. It was a Christmas like no other. A Christmas that no one could ever imagine. A Christmas that, in looking back, was what Christmas is all about, which is family and faith and love. But it wasn't easy.

He passed away surrounded by my mom and all of his children around 9pm on Sunday night January 2, 2005. It was the sweetest moment shared between my mom and him as they connected so tenderly just before he went. I'll never forget that.

I love my dad so much, I miss him and have found that writing this tonight was much, much more for me than for anyone else. I wanted to share the things on my mind and express my love on this meaningful night. Thanks for listening.